Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
