My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize