Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
