Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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