Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
