you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
