She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
