She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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