his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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