Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
