i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
