I need to stop coming to work sober
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
