I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
