I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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