you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
