I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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