I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
