For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
