I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
