Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Your penis caused this!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
