I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
