The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
