My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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