i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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