Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
