guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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