whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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