I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
