i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize