I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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