Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
