Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
