what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
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