The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
