I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
