I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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