I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
