He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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