also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I could make wine with my vomit
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
