What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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