I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
