I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
