I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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