he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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