now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
