Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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