My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
