I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
