The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize