I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
