I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize