Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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