i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
