Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Too much gin, very little bucket
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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