I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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