He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
