He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
