just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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