You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
