i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
