Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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