so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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