Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
