dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My Higher Power is John Stamos
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
The ass gains better be worth it
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