Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
