Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
