Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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