she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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