I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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