My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
