She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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