I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
