he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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