I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
