I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
