"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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