My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
