Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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