i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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