Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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