Im at strip club and am horny
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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