So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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