Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
