What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I understand Curling. That high.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
