Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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