Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize