you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
