it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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