I'm jealous of your bromance
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
