plz talk dirty to me
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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