I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
