it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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