Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Also, beer. Big fan.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
