Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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