I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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