just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
