Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
